Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Agateophobia- the fear of insanity.

It is too silent. A silence so loud it is everything I can do not to scream. I don’t know why I am so afraid to be alone. Maybe because when I’m alone I start to think. That little voice that I keep dormant with noise and chatter suddenly begins to speak.

Maybe it’s because that little voice starts to whisper unwanted truths into my ear. Maybe it tells me that life is passing me by, that I have not become the person I set out to be. Maybe it reminds me of failures I had forgotten. Maybe it asks me why I am still alone after all this time.

Maybe it makes me think of the disappointment in my father’s eyes. Maybe it murmurs of all the chances I was too afraid to take. Maybe it speaks of friends that turned their backs on me, loves that broke my heart, and battles that were lost.

It tells me that there are no second chances for the weak, it tells me that I can never live up to the expectations that are accumulating on my doorstep. It whispers that it is okay to surrender, the ends are not worth the means.


‘Give up,’ it hums, ‘just give up.’

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